Wow. July 8, 2009

I haven’t blogged since March 11th.  That sure is a long time.

Oh. My. March 11, 2009

I just read that 16 year old Miley Cyrus has recently put out a memoir.

 

Really?  REALLY?!?

 

I think my head just exploded.

Begrudgingly February 20, 2009

Because my husband has been pestering me for at least 2 and a half weeks, I am finally updating my blog.

 

I turned 30.  I did not die.  I cried during the last hour of my 20’s, but then I was fine. It was actually a lot of fun.  I went to Disneyland with a friend, and even got in free.  They give you a pin with your name on it, stating it’s your birthday, and I must admit, I liked it when all the “cast members” we passed would call out “Happy Birthday Katherine!”  I’m sure it’s drilled into them that they will be punished by death if they do not do this, but I liked it all the same.  I’m still a bit of an attention whore. I also rode Space Mountian 3 times; one for each decade I’ve been alive.

 

I’m in my second quarter of the interior design program at UCLA.  I got As in my two previous classes, which made me feel much better wbout this whole idea.  I also finally met with the advisor in January to talk with her about advanced standing.  Turns out 12 of me previous IU classes transfered, and the program will take a full 2 quarters less than I thought, for a total of 2 1/2 years. So far my two new classes are going well too.

 

I’ve noticed the my new offices lobby plays very odd choices in Muzak.  I’ve heard everything from Take Five, Live and Let Die, When You Wish Upon a Star, and the worst, Penny Lane.  I hate hearing Beatles in Muzak.  It’s even worse when it’s one of the few songs I don’t have yet on CD or mp3, so am unable to wash such sacrilege from my eardrums when I get home.

 

There, husband of mine, happy now?

Reality Smack January 16, 2009

I just glanced at the calendar, and realized I will be 30 in under a week.

 

*panic attack ensues*

Child Free Hilarity January 16, 2009

On the knitting and crochet website Ravelry.com that I am a part of, they have a weekly newsletter which also contains an advice column entitled “Ask Auntie BubboPants”.  This is another member of the site, that answers serious and not so serious questions put to her by her fellow fiber loving goers, and very often leaves me in a fit of giggles.  

 

The following was one of this weeks entries, and it had my non-child wanting self almost in tears from laughter.  I know that most of the population does NOT feel this way about children, which is good, because we’d all die out in 80 or so years.  But I hope you can at least appreciate the ridiculousness and humor of her answer.

 

“Dear Auntie BubboPants,

Please tell my uterus it really doesn’t want babies as much as it thinks it does. I am still in college and unmarried (though in a long-term relationship). Obviously some of this longing comes with certain times of the month, but lately seeing pregnant women makes me pout. My brain does not want a baby. I’m not ready and could not handle it at all at this point in my life. But somehow my biological clock decided to start ticking about five or more years before most people’s.

So please, tell my uterus to knock it off. It only has to wait a few more years! And surely by then my friends will have started having babies to appease the squishing and cuddling without the hassle of keeping a baby of one’s own.

Signed,
Must. Have. Babies.

Dear MHB,

You know what’s awesome? sweet little brand new babies! they are so warm and they smell so good! You could get high just smelling a new baby…well, actually science has discovered that mom-brains release endorphins whenever they smell their babies. Makes the babies addictive to the mother, helps keep babies safe and comfortable and well fed you know.

yeah, new babies with their little bellies and their snorgley feet and ALL THAT DAMNED SCREAMING!!! ALL THE TIME!!!

Oh yes, all the time! Screaming and wanting to be fed and not giving a good god damn that you have a final in the morning or that you have the evilest professor on the planet! NO! Babies are all GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME!!! RIGHT NOW!! and you give and give and they take and take! and things get a little better when they hit preschool and elementary school!

But oh! That lasts for only a few seconds! Then it’s GIMME THE CAR KEYS AND GIMME MY ALLOWANCE AND GIMME PERMISSION TO DATE ZEBON THE SPITTLE MONKEY FROM THE WORKHOUSE!!!

And lets not forget braces, their innate ability to scream profanities in the produce section the second your back is turned, broken arms, poop in the bathtub, peas in the nose, forgotten permission slips, missed buses, a serious dislike for your cooking, chewing holes in their brand new shirt that grandma got them, farting, hamsters in the goldfish bowl, beating up the ugly kid, stealing cars, slumber parties, dishcloths down the toilet, begging for a pool or dog or hippo or better shoes or sugar cereal!

And then they turn 18 and you think it’s all good! But no! It’s laundry and tuition and poor decision making skills and “i know I’m in college but I want to have a baby!” and terrible marriages and in the end do you know what you get? You get to spend your retirement in a basement staring at a water heater and fighting the centipedes because they are too busy to take care of you!!!

OH! AND HAVING TO WATCH DRAGON TALES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL YOU ARE SURE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GO TO THE DRAGON LAND AND KICK EVERY WEENUS DRAGON IN THEIR SOFT INEFFECTUAL DRAGON GUT UNTIL MAGICAL DRAGON LAND GOES DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE UNIVERSAL SINGULARITY FOR PAIN!!!

So yeah, go ahead and have a baby. Or you could just pound a crab up your nose for 18 years, it’s about the same feeling.”

Little Miss Irritated January 15, 2009

Things that have been rubbing on my nerves lately:

• When you come to a four way stop, or are at a crosswalk, and you have the right away, and the other person waves you on like they’re doing you a favor.  I have the right of way!  The car in front of you just drove off!  There’s a little white man in a box telling me I can go! Thank you SO MUCH for giving me your personal condesenction to continue on my way, as you almost hit me in the process!
• When I’m driving down the city street towards home, and people in parked cars fling open their doors without even looking, causing me to go swerving crazily into the other lane, barely missing ripping off their car door/lower legs from their bodies.  Is it really that hard to use your mirrors and wait until I’ve passed?!?
• Why do so many people in y office have the incessant need to knock on the metal cabinet near the bathroom every time they pass by?  There are quite a few of us that sit nearby and have to hear it. Every. Single. Time.  What compels people to do this?
• When there is a lunch meeting at work, it never fails that at least one or two people will flat out refuse to throw away their plate or soda can, and just leave them sitting on the table  for me to clean up.  Really? REALLY?  34 other people can clean up after themselves, but YOU can’t be bothered?
• That even though I have sent numerous emails, stalked her office, and even gotten two verbal confirmations from her face to face, my boss seems completely unwilling to sit down with me for five minutes to discuss some things on which I really need clarification.  I’ve been trying for a week, and every email is totally ignored, and she is always either talking with someone already, or not in her office.  It wouldn’t be too bad, I suppose, if I hadn’t had this problem multiple times before. Way to make me feel like a valued member of the team!
• My littlest cat have no idea how to vomit properly.  I have never witnessed her get sick ever, but when I heard heaving yesterday, I looked over and it was her. She apparently had no idea what was going on and was freaking out.  As she heaved and little dribbles came out, she spun in circles backward, which meant those dribbles went with her, onto the carpet.  When the final big heave did happen, it actually scared her so badly that she leapt to run away from, um, herself, I guess, and therefore left a large streak across the carpet that would have otherwise been a decently small circle of cat yuck for me to clean.

Thus ends my rant.  I apologize.

Just Because You Have Money January 11, 2009

Does NOT mean you have taste.

 

I have been helping some guy friends decorate and furnish their home they are trying to sell in hopes of making it look a bit more enticing to buyers.  They mostly had an amalgamation of college apartment type pieces, so we have been searching the internet for deals on some furniture that IKEA could not cover for us.

 

In the process of these searches, I have happened upon some of the most hideous items I may have seen in my life.  And they all were created by Versace, and cost as much as a decent car.

 

Case in point…

 

These items were listed with this description:

 

“Gorgeous original Italian Gianni Versace 3 piece Couch set with coffee table. This 3 piece couch set and table was bought at the Versace store in Beverly Hills in 1994. The cost was over $25k just for the couches…”

As Kyle, myself, and my friend noticed, if they spent $25,000 on these monstrosities, I wonder how much they sprang for that classy Foosball table in the background.

 

This one is not quite as offensive to eyes, I suppose (and that isn’t saying much), but I think you may be able to see it as a shining orb from space:

This is $4000, and only includes the bedding.  And seriously, you really do HAVE to get the matching rug.

 

With this example, I haven’t really decided what the biggest atrocity to design  has been committed.  There are just too many from which to choose:

 

I think my vote may have to be the mix of egregious safari references, mixed with the random ancient Grecian key design.  They have no correlation to each other, and make little explosions of incomprehension happen in my brain. 

If you wanted a safari theme this badly, couldn’t you do everyone a favor and just buy a few animal print pillows and call it a day?  If the answer is no, then this set could be yours for the bargain price of $6000, or best offer.  I think the best offer I could make is for them to pay me to take it somewhere and burn it in effigy.

 

And lastly, and also sadly, the last entry does not have accompanying pictures. But oh how I wish it did, with a description like this:

“24 K GOLD VERSACE DINING ROOM SET. EVERYONE WILL BE IN AWE OF YOU OWNING THIS MASTERPIECE. LIKE VAN GOUGH. WAYNE NEWTON HAS THIS EXACT SAME SET THAT IS VALUED AT : $ 2.0 MILLION DOLLARS. ** Seen on TV- Celebrities Most Expensive Estates/Pads- Hosted by : Kimora Lee Simmons ** TABLE IS 24 K GOLD AND CHERRY WOOD. COMES WITH 6 CHAIRS. I’M GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE. BEST OFFER CALL”

It has been listed every day for the last 8 days, but never with pictures.  God, how I want to see this set.  If you’re touting it’s also owned by Wayne Newton, I can only imagine the horror.

In Review January 3, 2009

1. Where did you begin 2008?Kyle’s friend’s house in Brazil, IN. Just happened to look at the clock right at midnight, because we were a bit inebriated and not really paying attention.

2. What was your status by Valentines Day?
Same.

3. Were you in school anytime this year?
Yup.  Started up again after 5+ years off.

4. Did you have to go to the hospital?
Not for myself, for once, but had to go to the ER with my dad.  Scary.

5. Did you have any encounters with the police?
One that involved darts and alcohol.

6. Where did you go on vacation?
Colorado and Indiana

7. What did you purchase that was over $100?
Plane tickets and class tuition, and Adobe Creative Suite 3 software.

8. Did you know anybody who got married?
Yup

9. Did you know anybody who passed away?
Luckily, not this year.

10. Did you move anywhere?
No, for once!

11. What sporting events did you attend?
I can’t remember if that last Dodgers game we attended was this year or 2007.  But we did go to one of our nephew’s soccer games.

12. What concerts/shows did you go to?
None.  We thought about Kids in the Hall, but ended up not doing it.

13. Describe your birthday.
It sucked, even more than usual. I have a talent.

14. What is the ONE thing you thought you would not do, but did, in 2008?
A few things. One was making it to my family reunion. Pulled it together at the last minute and it was great.

15. What have been your favorite moments?
Reconnecting with old friends and family members, and having the most awesome car and almost winning the Lemons race in May.

16. Any new additions to your family?
Nope.

17. What was your best month?
December, I suppose.  I got off work a lot, found out I got A’s in my two classes, really started feeling good about myself and got to see a ton of old friends.

18. Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Kyle, I suppose.  I rarely drink.

19. Made new friends?
A few.

20. Favorite night out?
Halloween.

21. Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Work.  I’m a homebody.

22. Have you lost any friends this year?
One or two, but for the best.

23. Change your hairstyle?
Yes, a few times.

24. Have any car accidents?
Nope

25. How old did you turn this year?
29.  Worst feeling age yet.

26. Do you have a New Years resolution?
Not really. 

27. Do anything embarrassing?
Of course.

28. Buy anything from eBay?
Hmm.  That used to be a given “yes”, and I have the feeling I did, but I’m not sure.

29. Get married or divorced?
Nope.

30. Get hit on?
A few times.

31. Been snowboarding?
Nope.

32. Did you get sick this year?
More than I have in awhile, actually.

33. Are you happy to see 2008 go?
Yes, I am.

34. Been naughty or nice?
Yes.

35. What are you looking forward to most in 2009?
Trying to get more A’s in my classes, and trying to make turning/being 30 not suck.

Drawing to a Close December 31, 2008

I, being only human, fall into the pattern of many before me, of looking back over the previous twelve months as the stroke of midnight creeps ever closer. 2008 is drawing to a close.

 

As I think back over the past year, I’m torn wondering how to feel about it.  Amazing things happened this year. Some things I never thought would happen.

 

A man became president that has made me feel, for the first time in my adult life, proud to be an American. The fact that this man also happened to be black was never really a huge factor in my mind, but I was aware of all the wonderful implications for people in which it was. The sheer relief of knowing a very intelligent, well-spoken, well versed and competent person would be in office again was overwhelming. Tears streamed down my face as my mother told me over the phone that night on November 4ththat it had been called, it was over, and that our hopes had not been crushed as they had been the past 8 years. But that it could be a man of such caliber, such eloquence, such inspiration, and could also be shattering barriers along with it, seemed more than we could have ever asked. I was home alone that night, but not alone, as I celebrated ecstaticallywith my mother over the phone, friends over Facebook, the people dancing and screaming and singing in the street.  For once in my life, I felt I might know how people had felt about JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., Roosevelt.  I was proud to be from a country I had come to loathe, and that was surprising, and more welcome than I thought it would or could be.

 

Another event that made my heart swell that night, was seeing my home state of Indiana turn blue for the first time in over 40 years.  I never thought I would see that happen, and it made me happier beyond words to know that such discontent had not been limited to just me and the other “hippie liberals” from Bloomington.  I’m still horribly saddened by the turn our country has made over the past eight years, and I start to make myself crazy thinking about how different things could be had we had a competent leader during that time. But if it meant we could have such an inspiring leader now, and bring so many sides together, perhaps some of it may be worth it.  Perhaps not. Only time will tell.

 

Another positive event this year, and one that certainly caught me off guard, was going through the process and ultimately going back to school.  It was during the drive home from the UCLA interior design open house that I realized I had let myself spiral down to a point where I no longer recognized myself, and did not like any part of what I had become. I decided that night I WAS going back to school.  I needed to take charge of my life, because no one could do it for me.  It was a difficult process on many fronts, but I knew if I didn’t do it, I was in danger of losing myself completely and desperately needed a goal, something to make me focused and try and make a better future for myself.

 

What I was unprepared for was how much I would like it, and that I would do so well.  My first college experience was at best tedious, and at worst, absolutely excruciating, and left me feeling completely empty.  All those years, all that money that it took to get a degree, and it wasn’t even what I had wanted; turned into wasted time. I’ve never been able to forgive myself for that. So I was prepared for more of the same.  But it never came. I questioned my abilities a bit in the beginning, panicking when I saw previous students end of term projects. But one by one, I received grades that I had rarely received years earlier. 100%. The papers I had to write came more and more easily, and were consistently granting me all points possible. I actually enjoyed learning the material in my computer class.  And when I looked at my finished projects(I’ll say it again…FINISHED PROJECTS, a feat that I struggled with constantly in my previous attempts at interior design) , a little voice in my head would quietly say “this is good”. Over the quarter, that voice grew bigger, louder. I started to believe it.  Something I hadn’t done in any part of my life in years. I felt smart again. Accomplished. Like I still had a chance, especially since I was one of the youngest people in either class, pushing 30. I had hope again.

 

Unfortunately 2008 also brought unpleasantness. Election night was also filled with bitter disappointment and anger as I realized and was caught very off guard by the fact that Proposition 8, here in California, was going to pass.  Seeing people, under the flimsy and transparent guise of upholding their “loving and forgiving” religion took it upon themselves to tell an entire population of people that they don’t matter, that they do not have equal rights in this state (and country) because of their perceived “choice” of lifestyle. It is difficult for me to put into coherent words how much this absolutely infuriated and disgusted me. Two people who love each other and want to spend their lives together scares them?  Why? Why do they feel threatened by this?  What does it have to do with them AT ALL? And don’t come at me with this “sanctity of marriage”, “one man and one woman” and “marriage is for children” bullshit.  There are drive through wedding chapels, quickie divorces, and couples like my husband and I who have no urge for children.  “But that’s what the bible says!” they yell.  It also says I am property of my husband, that I can be stoned to death without trial, that I can be sold into slavery, among many, many other things that are abhorrent to us now. And really, it all boils down to one simple fact, that has been woefully lacking over the past 8 years: separation of church and state.  Fine, go spout your hateful opinions in your loving and forgiving church on Sundays, but leave it the hell out of MY constitutions.

 

Personally, I struggled with myself most of all this year.  Granted this is not much different that many other years, but 2008 was more difficult than recent years. The severe depression that settled over me after my favorite cat Nona died in June 2007 refused to let up. And it therefore seeped into every other part of my life. Almost all of my relationships suffered, and some almost came to an end. Perhaps it was poor timing, but in a desperate attempt at change, and to see if it would awaken parts of me that have been long sleeping, I went of my anti-depressant medication, of which I had been on for over 8 years. It was a very difficult experience, as my body struggled to adjust to the missing chemicals, and try and right itself. 

 

Late spring and early summer were especially bad, worse than my depression had been in a long time, but I was determined to stick it out. When it got so bad I realized I was contemplating things that weren’t rational day after day for a few weeks, I started taking half a pill once a week. That made the difference, and I only had to do that for 6 weeks or so, until one day I was out of the cloud. It still follows me, as it probably will my whole life, but there was scattered sun, and it felt freeing.  I’m still medication free for the moment, and feel OK.  I can tell I am able to laugh more fully, enjoy things more completely, and smile more easily than I have in years.  I also get upset more easily, but it’s seems to be controllable.  I know I very well will probably be on medication again at some point in my life, but for now I’m enjoying it. The buffer over all my emotions is gone and it feels good.

 

I also struggled to keep up with my goals.  I created this 101 list early in the year, and was doing fairly well after a slow start.  But I severely underestimated how much school would zap my time, energy and drive to do much other than what was necessary. My blog entries plummeted because the thought of writing anything beyond papers was exhausting. I would open a page to write even a short entry, and would click it closed after staring at the blinking cursor for a few minutes.

 

I don’t think I’ve crossed one thing off my list in months.  Some of them will now be impossible to achieve because I all but forgot about it.  But, I tell myself revisions will need to be made since I wrote it before I thought about school, and it just changes things, pure and simple. I can’t do everything, and I’m getting a (tiny) bit better about acknowledging that, or at least not collapsing into a heap and not doing anything when I realize my plans aren’t panning out.  I will never be described as easy-going, but I am trying to be more adjustable.

 

One thing that has followed me throughout the year was the impending dread of turning 30 that promptly arrived on my birthday.  I, in typical Kat fashion, have used it as an excuse to beat myself up for everything I have managed to NOT accomplish in my life, and to play over and over again the many places I perceive I went wrong over the last 10 – 12 years especially.  I was not where I had pictured myself being at this point in time. Later on in the year, I realized it was an opportunity to try and make sure I was in a better place at 30 than I had been in years. I started working out more consistently, started eating better. I went back on medicine to help my skin clear up, focused on dressing a bit better, with better hair and makeup.  Went back to school.  Tried to keep up better with friendships, and develop new ones.  Felt better about my job once I realized they would reimburse most of my tuition.  No, I’m not where I had pictured myself at 30, even now, but I’m more on my way to that place than I probably have been since late undergrad, and am almost (almost) looking forward to my birthday come late January.

 

Overall, I am very melancholy tonight. New Years has never been a favorite holiday of mine. I tend to dwell sadly and disappointedly on the past, and have difficultly looking towards the future with little more than dread. So a holiday devoted to past and future is not the most comfortable night of the year.  None the less, I am trying to focus on the good. I have made new friends, reestablished old relationships, understood more completely the importance of ones I already had, attempted to set myself forth on a path of my own choosing, rather than sitting idly by and complaining bitterly about my circumstances. I have seen glimmers of hope this year. I hope to hold on to them as long as I can muster.

 

Happy New Year.

Ms. Kitty MIA November 25, 2008

My friend Julia wrote on my Facebook wall today, noticing I hadn’t been writing here lately, and it made me realize, oh yeah, I haven’t been writing here lately.  I knew it had been quite a while, but didn’t realize it had been almost a month! Bad blogger, no cookie.

 
So here is the last month in list form, with some pictures scattered within. I will hopefully go back and fill in each with more detail later on. Like when I finally manage to get a full nights sleep.

•  I ended up winning “Scariest Costume” at my company Halloween party, which made me happy beyond words.

The scariest costume I could think of: Ms. Vice President of the USA.

• I had the most awesome, fun and romantic Halloween/Anniversary (aka Halloversary) I’ve had in years, even including my wedding, since I was sick and nervous that entire day. 

• I was finally able to quit my terrible temp job, when I finally stopped waiting for my supervisors to finally find a replacement and finally just told them X was my last day. Finally.

 

• I got many large batches of grades back for my homework I’ve been doing in my two classes, and am so far getting a perfect score in my History of Environmental Arts class, and a 97% in my Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop class, which also included a large assignment I realized I had to do at the very last minute, did in an hour and a half, and still got all points possible.  I’m kickin’ ass, to sum up.

 

• I have signed up for my next two classes in the UCLA program, which are to be History of Environmental Arts IV: Arts and Crafts to Today, and Digital Presentation II: AutoCAD. They will both me online again as well, and company reimbursable. Go me.

 

• My family is all in town for the holidays, which can be stressful, but is great to see everyone all together!

 

• Even better, it is currently raining. Real, pouring, streaming rain that you can hear through an open window. It’s supposed to be going all night. Hopes up for some thunder too, although I don’t want to get too crazy!

Now, I’m off to do homework.  What else.